


I'm Sorry

by quartetship



Series: ADS Side Pieces [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Prequel, Side Pieces: A Different Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3758359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartetship/pseuds/quartetship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love wasn't supposed to hurt...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Small prequel side piece from the same universe as 'A Different Song'. Set during Jean's first two years at CSUF. 
> 
> \--

“I love you.”

It was supposed to be a _good_ thing. Jean had never seen love depicted as anything other than fairy tales, Disney movies and the dreaming of teenagers. It was supposed to be happiness. College was real life, but that didn't mean love couldn't be a part of it. Right?

Love was supposed to be a _shared_ thing. Two people, falling for each other at the same speed, meeting at the bottom, landing on something soft, fingers laced. It was supposed to be a confession, a two-way profession, a pair of smiles for a pair of hearts. It was supposed to be _mutual_.

Love was supposed to be a pleasant tumble, not a free fall into an ocean he could never swim out of. It was supposed to be the spring, full of hope and possibility. Instead it was more like winter, beautiful, captivating - but harsh and unforgiving. Jean gave warmth that he didn't know he had in him to share, and got nothing but frostbite in return, from the tips of searching fingers to the depth of his chest.

Love wasn’t supposed to _hurt_. It wasn’t supposed to be a secret. It wasn’t meant to be swallowed between panting breaths, buried under searing skin and bottled up until it ran down his face whenever he was alone. It wasn’t supposed to be something that would change the way he saw others for the rest of his life. It wasn't supposed to burn so badly that he never wanted to touch it again.

Love was never supposed to leave him so damaged. But maybe that was because before Eren, he didn't know what love _was_. He didn't know it had a downside. He didn't know there was a such thing as a bad match, a broken heart.

He didn't know that when he finally said those three words out loud, Eren’s only answer would be, “I’m sorry.”

\--

“I like you.”

It was one of the first things Eren said to Jean, laughing as he clapped him hard on the back. It was the essence of their first days together as roommates, Eren feeling like he'd found someone he clicked with. It was supposed to be a _friendship_ , nothing more. It was never meant to hurt anyone, especially Jean.

It was supposed to be _platonic_. They were roommates. Friends. He liked Jean a lot, and when Jean would laugh at his jokes and lean against him when they sat together talking, Eren just thought that was how Jean _was_. He liked being close to Jean. But he never meant to get as close as he did.

It was supposed to be purely _sexual_. One night when they were both exhausted and frustrated and starved for things that they weren't getting anywhere else, things changed. Jean’s hands felt good, and his mouth felt even better. By the next morning, there was a feeling of ruination in the air for Eren. But there was also a nagging _craving_ – the beginning of addiction. But it was just supposed to be a physical thing.

The more Eren got to know his roommate, though, the more he realized that it wasn't what it was supposed to be. It wasn't platonic. It wasn't sexual. It wasn't casual. It wasn't anything Eren had intended.

It was something that Eren just didn't have to give, no matter how much Jean wanted it. And Eren hated knowing that he was hurting him, but every time they tried to talk about it, their mouths ended up far too busy to make any progress, and he drove the knife deeper. He hated himself in the morning, but it was never enough to stop him during the night.

When Jean messaged him to ask about rooming together for a third year, Eren couldn't do it anymore. He finally had an out, a clean escape – he took it without looking back. And when he let Jean know that whatever it was that they’d had was over, he tried to remind Jean of one thing that was still true.

“I _like_ you, Jean.” Eren kept his voice as steady and detached as he knew how, offering Jean all that he could, though he knew that it would never be enough. His last words for many months after were a choked, whispered, _“I'm sorry.”_


End file.
